Archive for the "Uncategorized" category

Love Child

Train Wrecking. I watch, I feel, I acknowledge. The woman grieves for the babe taken. Removed from her womb. I am her. Both our arms are empty. She leaves hospital, with a memory. Belly shadows her history. Downy and soft. Hiding the angular pain. The loss in her heart Stabbing, bleeding, tears of anguish Obsession [...]


He never lived here.  He barely existed here, but I cannot help but feel close to Avery when I am home at my mother’s house. Perhaps it is the quiet.  The hush of the country air allowing my mind to think.  Perhaps it is the sense of family and closeness, and the fact there is [...]

Dear Avery – the first letter

I am currently deleting masses of old files from my computer. It is a trip down memory lane, and I am finding so many treasures within my warped filing system. Through it all, I just found this. The first ever letter I wrote to Avery. ———————————– Dearest little one. It’s taken us so long to [...]

A little to close too home

**disclaimer** I forgot to say, he is ok! Just an MRI!! Caelan is currently under a general anaesthetic. I am waiting in the foyer of the hospital, hugging my chai too close, smacking my burnt tongue against the roof of my mouth. The smell of carnations and roses have infiltrated my nose, and yet it’s [...]

Re-meeting part of my heart

On our final day in hospital a little Avery Magic came floating into our room. Her name is Natalie. She held my hand when Avery was born. For 21 months I thought about her and ‘Scottish Claire’ and what they did for me that day. Hospital midwives who were with me. I’ve wanted to see [...]

Dear Avery

I forgot. How could I forget?  I know I said I would perhaps not write every month. I know I said I was not going to put pressure on myself, but the pain in my heart of forgetting to write on the 14th is rippling through my body and I can barely breathe. I am [...]

Dear Avery

Hello my sweet boy. Time seems to have stood still since your Birthday.  Nothing new. Nothing Old. Everything is just in some sort of limbo.  The intensity of your loss is no longer at breaking point, and yet to focus on my grief with you seems to be that much more poignant. Tomorrow is group [...]

Random Give away Winner!

Sorry for the delay.  Chaotic would be an understatement for all that is going on around here! But a winner was chosen (last Wednesday! See… sleepy head here!). Congratulations Emma! (Link) Please email me at with your contact details please! Thank you to everyone who entered!

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